Back in January I wrote a post, Careering into Control, where I set out my determination to change my career. My plan was to go to the careers centre and dissect what it was I actually wanted from life. Being utterly disillusioned with teaching I was prepared to bin all my study and hard work to do something else, in all honesty, anything else. I felt like no matter how much of myself I out into the role, I took a battering. Which I then took far too personally. I was, and still feel, like everything negative within the profession was beyond my control yet I was being held accountable for such things – I still can’t see how this is fair.
Well, the careers meeting never materialised. I did get myself to two local branches only to find that they had been closed due to government cuts, something the website conveniently forgot to mention. With the other available branch on the other side of the city and still no opportunity to actual get there within opening hours, I have as yet to break down potential paths with a ‘professional’. I suppose, had I really been desperate I would have made the time. But other alternatives started coming to the fore, alternatives I had not actually thought about.
The plan all along was to stay in the Midlands for a while and then when the time was right, move back to the North West. What’s to say now isn’t the right time? It was suggested that maybe I don’t give up on the teaching part of my life just yet, maybe I try a small, northern school attached to a good, local community. Why not try a temporary position elsewhere just to see if the same worries and strains come with the package? A change of scene could be all that’s required. I couldn’t really argue with this thinking. So I am looking; looking for suitable opportunities which would still leave me time to write, looking for something small and more country-like, looking to leave the Midlands.
My biggest concern is that it might not coincide with Steve finding a job, which means we may have to live apart until we can both make the big move. I hate this idea. It makes me feel sick every time it comes over me. But it would only be temporary and to be honest if it gets me home, it is a necessary evil I am willing to deal with should it come to it. So the task for what remains of my afternoon is to get my CV up to date, have a browse through the job pages and think, ponder and deliberate these options even more. I am quite terrified what the future might have in store, but a good terrified; there is definitely an excited buzz lurking behind all the doubt!
And then, if that doesn’t work, at least I can say I tried and didn’t give up when times got tough. Something to be proud of at least.