So Friday didn’t start well. I wasn’t exactly pleased to say the least. I was sure the looming black cloud above me was due to break and drown me in its torrential down pour. Bolts of lightening were bound to strike strong and true on me, their only target. But this seemed not the case. Armed only with a half eaten bag of Doritos bought on my Thursday afternoon jaunt, I set out to change my luck and fortune for the better.
The cliché is entirely true in this case; inspiration did come completely out of the blue and from the most unlikely of moods. As I awaited the not-quite-Gavin from Autoglass (very disappointed the actual man from the advert didn’t come to fix my car personally), I tentatively turned on the computer and browsed an entirely different section of the book to which I have been attempting to work on. I dispensed with the pressure of having to write as I figured the likelihood slim given my general demeanour and also reminded myself constantly that this book was actually for me and currently fit no other purpose. As the wind continued to howl down the chimney, continuing its threat of bad omens, something unlocked and freed the trapped little girl within.
I had the most glorious day, it was so refreshing and uplifting. I must have rattled through editing and rewriting whole chunks of some 6000 words. Although not something I am paid to do, or indeed something that has any real benefit to anyone’s life but my own, I felt like I had more purpose and promise in this one afternoon of typing than I have yet to gain from my current teaching role. I was buzzing, and excited, and interested again – I was ‘happy’ personified. There were no halts or hesitations, nor spikes of doubt or self-pity, it was simply a rich, wonderful experience. I felt my creative side come swimming back and erase all the worry and torment of the past few months. Cursed maybe, but not lost. Smiling whilst sat alone in a shivering living room may be perceived as a very odd thing, but I didn’t care. There was a warm glow about me that can only ever come from turning words into a living, breathing beast.
I want this so much I cannot even begin to tell you. The determination and stubbornness has returned – I shall not give in. I shall succeed.