I’m currently quite concerned. I have no blog post. No inspiration. Zip, Nada, niente. This has never happened before – even on days of exhaustion, irritation or rantyness (It’s a word!) I have managed to find something to prattle about. I have discussed books read years since and completely pointless details of my life. But nothing is coming . . . seriously, hitting a major blank here. As I was last night, hence the lack of post.
I just feel saturated. My brain feels full and I can’t uncork it. I am locked somewhere between frustration (once more due to lack of writing time) and incompetence (when I do write it tends to be a little like drivel). I feel constantly at battle with myself and I am struggling to stay upbeat and positive. I feel the blog has taken a slightly melancholy, moany, self indulgent turn and that also annoys me. I am a bubbly, passionate person and I don’t know where it has gone. I feel sapped and a little shadow like – I don’t seem to be able to find the energy to be creative, I don’t seem to have the ability right now. I don’t know how to fix it. I have been unable to write external articles now for weeks – nothing comes to me, nothing seems to interest me. My relaxed, happy flow seems to have been replaced with something mechanical. A drone in a clunking routine. I feel my spark fizzling and I don’t like it.
I am sure this is just a slight grump, a moment that shall pass – in fact I know it is because otherwise I wouldn’t be so concerned about it. If it was an issue that was here to stay I would surely have become resigned to it, become complacent with my efforts, non-committal, stationary, lazy. I talk about my work lots, I get over excited when I write and I feel lost when I don’t get or miss an opportunity. All this makes me realise that my ability, whatever that might be, is still somewhere inside. Its just hiding right now, hibernating, lying in wait; begging me to get an early night’s sleep and stop trying to fit in three jobs a day as well as trying to keep house etc.
I know I am being dramatic, I know. I am tired, grumpy and spoiled – I was never going to find this working lark easy to fit in after a glorious twelve months off. Sleep, slap and get back to it – that is what I need!