Posted by: Natalie | November 3, 2010

Brain Death

I’m currently quite concerned. I have no blog post. No inspiration. Zip, Nada, niente. This has never happened before – even on days of exhaustion, irritation or rantyness (It’s a word!) I have managed to find something to prattle about. I have discussed books read years since and completely pointless details of my life. But nothing is coming . . . seriously, hitting a major blank here. As I was last night, hence the lack of post.

I just feel saturated. My brain feels full and I can’t uncork it. I am locked somewhere between frustration (once more due to lack of writing time) and incompetence (when I do write it tends to be a little like drivel). I feel constantly at battle with myself and I am struggling to stay upbeat and positive. I feel the blog has taken a slightly melancholy, moany, self indulgent turn and that also annoys me. I am a bubbly, passionate person and I don’t know where it has gone. I feel sapped and a little shadow like – I don’t seem to be able to find the energy to be creative, I don’t seem to have the ability right now. I don’t know how to fix it. I have been unable to write external articles now for weeks – nothing comes to me, nothing seems to interest me. My relaxed, happy flow seems to have been replaced with something mechanical. A drone in a clunking routine. I feel my spark fizzling and I don’t like it.

I am sure this is just a slight grump, a moment that shall pass – in fact I know it is because otherwise I wouldn’t be so concerned about it. If it was an issue that was here to stay I would surely have become resigned to it, become complacent with my efforts, non-committal, stationary, lazy. I talk about my work lots, I get over excited when I write and I feel lost when I don’t get or miss an opportunity. All this makes me realise that my ability, whatever that might be, is still somewhere inside. Its just hiding right now, hibernating, lying in wait; begging me to get an early night’s sleep and stop trying to fit in three jobs a day as well as trying to keep house etc.

I know I am being dramatic, I know. I am tired, grumpy and spoiled –  I was never going to find this working lark easy to fit in after a glorious twelve months off. Sleep, slap and get back to it – that is what I need!

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Responses

  1. If it’s any consolation (and I know it’s not) but I am stuck a little bit in the same place as you are. And I’ve noticed a few of my favourite blogs have been reduced to only a few posts a week rather than one or two a day.

    Perhaps it is a natural part of the seasons changing (whether from winter to summer or summer to winter).

    Let’s agree to be kind to ourselves and let our writing wells fill back up again through other activities?

    I don’t have inspiration for a blog post today either – so you are doing one better than me 🙂

    • I think being kind to ourselves is a must. Burn out comes when you least expect it and I think we may be similar creatures in that we become more frustrated by not being able to ‘create’. I think a couple of days off will see me right. We are off to the West Country tonight, just south of Bristol to stay with some friends for the bonfire weekend, so lots of sausages and cider and possibly a cream tea or two. Terribly indulgent but potentially what the doctor ordered.

      I hope things are moving along for you and that you have a lovely weekend planned to help rejuvenate the spirit! Nxxx


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