Posted by: Natalie | October 21, 2010

If I Could Go Back in Time

Today, Plinky asks what I would change in my past. I don’t actually think I would change anything exactly, I am very happy with my lot and the hand life, so far, has dealt me. I think, if it were possible, I might go back and offer myself opportunity.

I was four years old when I decided to be a teacher, seriously! And although it was satisfying to go through school, college and university being one of the few who knew my life’s plan, I can’t help wondering ‘what if’? What if I had contemplated other professions? What if I had grabbed hold of that spark for writing that began at fourteen? What if I had been shown other options? What if I’d not been so quick to dismiss other avenues because, ‘it’s ok, I’m going to be a teacher’?

I’m not sure, had I answered any of these questions, where I would have been today. Staying on at college to complete my foundation art qualification (my tutor wanted me to head into jewellery design) would have meant attending a different university at another time which would have led me to meet someone who is not my Steve. Had I followed the path of journalism I would undoubtedly be less financially secure and possibly living in some god forsaken corner of London trying to ‘make my name’ or writing for a local rag detailing cake competitions and alike.

It is hard to think of other paths I could have travelled as I was so hell-bent on teaching. I wonder if, had I thought a little longer on the profession, I would have ended up so cramped mentally under the weight of pressure? Probably. After all, I am a stubborn girl, a determined creature who feels the need to prove to herself and the world that she is committed to excelling in all she does. I had chosen to teach, therefore I must comply.

Anyway, all this reflection is hypothetical. Such questioning never occurred and although I think a little further around the edges these days, I still don’t think things through to the nth degree. I still jump into things blindly and can’t quite decide how to proceed.

Even if I had all the answers at that young age, I don’t think I would have deviated, I still think I would have followed the path I have. It’s not as if I believe in a life being pre-planned, not at all, but I do think things happen for a reason. So no point wishing the past would change or wishing the future away; what will be, will be. Just make sure you enjoy the ride.

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  1. Hmm. Perhaps I would have chosen Economics instead of Ancient History to study in Yr 11/12. Would have been so much more beneficial, considering I did absolutely nothing (and had no plans to) with AH. Isn’t hindsight wonderful?

    However, like you, by the decisions that I have made in my life, I have found a great hubby, 2 gorgeous kids (well, most of the time when they aren’t being stubborn or screaming 🙂 ) and fantastic friends. So no, I wouldn’t change my past, other than wishing my dad could still be here. That is simply a given though.

  2. If I could go back in time I would have followed a more creative bent. I would have chosen creative writing and art history instead of journalism when I left school. Then I probably would have stuck at the course instead of finding my way back through criminology and law.

    Having said that, I probably needed the experiences of the past decade or more since I left school (oh, try decade and a half) to gather personal material for my writing.

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