Yesterday I wrote a random post that seems to have turned into something of an ‘inspiration’. I use the word lightly as to me, at this moment, my words are far from inspirational – but at the very least they caused friends of mine and their extended blogging spheres to contemplate how they have reached their current place in life. Cie and Lauren both wrote very emotional pieces that show very different versions of How I Am Me. They are beautifully written and some of the responding comments show how they have touched/connected with others on their equally varied paths to the present.
And reading all these thoughts of friends and strangers has made me contemplate even further, but not about how I got here – I know all those reasons. I know how well I have been brought up, I know how lucky I have been in finding the close friends and relationships that support and love me, I know how lucky I am everyday to be following my heart’s desire. But where will I go next? How will these people and these dreams impact on my future path? I have my sneaking suspicions, but we can never be sure until we actually get there. So just for fun, I am going to put into words some expectations – and hopes.
By the end of today: I will, will, have cracked this particular section of the book I am working on. Its proving rather difficult. The point of view from which this segment is told is annoying me greatly – I don’t like it, but it is essential that it is told via a certain character. The problem comes because I am desperately trying to paint the image that is in my head, but the language and detail used by this character does not fit with how the scene should be set. I am trying to use an immature voice to explain quite a complex description. I deleted and re-wrote it three times yesterday. Today I will become it’s master!
By the end of the week: Lisa M, I will have finished your letter, got my bum in gear and posted your birthday package to Oz. Yes, I am aware how late it is and how useless I am as a friend, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less!
By the end of the year: I will have been to Vegas and had the most amazing holiday, so much so that no other holiday could ever compete; I will have finished this draft of my Civil War book and be once more looking to find an agent; I will have started obsessing over the next instalment; I will be working three days a week via a teaching agency, pulling in the finances I need to continue to write two days a week, and, most importantly – not stressing over money! I will have worked harder at some of those friendships I have neglected a little – not intentional neglect, but just through the natural habit of the world that causes life to get in their way. I will have spent more quality time with my family.
By the end of the next five years: I will be published! Or at least have an agent and on the way to my books filling the Waterstone’s shelves! I will be able to write full time and be paid for it and not necessarily have to teach to keep me afloat. I would like to be married, living in the Northwest again in a lovely house with a big kitchen! I would like to be planning a family. I’d like my nearest and dearest to have found the happiness and security they have been looking for and for my married friends to be having more babies for me to spoil. I’d like to be an Aunt. I’d like to have a home which fits all our stuff without the thought of having to move again. I would like Steve to have a job in which he feels fulfilled and challenged. I would like to see my Cie more often because by this point she won’t have to work 17 million jobs! I’d like to be as happy, strong, confident, determined and passionate as I feel right now. I would like to be a success. But most of all, I would like to relish and smile through all the trials and tribulations that fate will throw at me between now and reaching the five year point.
So much can happen. So much will happen. And the true test of anyone’s metal is how they hold themselves and cope when the worst, and best, occurs. The past has brought me here as the person I am, and it is this person I am pleased, and proud, to say will lead me into the future.