Posted by: Natalie | May 4, 2010

Running on Empty

I feel like crap. After last week’s sore throat, nothing has been right. I feel horrific. The best way to describe it is as if I have the worst hangover in the world – permanently. I have attempted to smile my way through my Dad’s visit and our weekend jaunt to Swindon, but I would now like to admit defeat.

This morning I had an appointment at a Supply Agency in Sutton Coldfield. It was a lovely meeting. I thoroughly enjoyed talking about myself to the smiling lady opposite! It was almost as if I had booked in for my own career interview – everything made sense and backed up my decisions so far. I am confident I can write books well – about as confident as I can be without an actual agent, but it was interesting to weigh up all my career options with a complete stranger. I know I am making the right decision! It was a brilliant experience. However, it left me entirely drained.

After a very brief root around Sutton’s limited charity shops and a quick stop in Waterstones, all I wanted was my bed. However, I wanted to do some work. I wanted to write. But my brain won’t let me. I must have read the same paragraph over and over and not once actually read the words. I am so frustrated. I know the answer is to just shut off, to go to sleep and wake up feeling better tomorrow. But I have the impatient child syndrome – I just don’t want to shut my eyes, I might miss something!! And I spent pretty much all day yesterday in bed feeling sorry for myself.

I want to feel better. This has been over a week now of feeling entirely useless with no medicine to fix me. And to make matters worse, Steve is now poorly, as is Lucy who we visited at the weekend. I am half expecting Louise from the agency to phone me tomorrow saying I have wiped out their entire office! And the really sucky point is, I can’t even concentrate on reading “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”. I am completely loving the book, but I am still a good chunk from the end. I am also aware that I haven’t shared comment on it with you yet. I have been remiss and I am sorry.

I think I am going to collapse into bed now. I promise, as soon as I am alive and kicking again, you will be the first to know! But please, bare with me while my writing is awful and my mind is mush.

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Responses

  1. Aww sweetie, give yourself a break! I know exactly what you mean about “impatient child syndrome” – it’s responsible for me staying up long after I should night after night… But there’s nothing worse than feeling too crap to read – that’s when I know I really am too ill to go to work!

    You’re right, you should be going to bed, getting lots of sleep and waking up feeling refreshed tomorrow. But it’s so hard sometimes.

    xx


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