I’ve mentioned, pretty much, each day this week of my plans for the future. In order to secure September work, I have had to revamp and polish up the CV. I don’t know about you, but I hate writing CVs. I find it possibly the dullest chore of all applications. I am useless at selling myself on paper and worry that I just appear tedious. I suppose it can’t really be the case as it has not done me too much harm in the past. But what I would like to write is a real CV. One that really talks about ME! So here goes . . . .(please note, only a few elements of the below have been fabricated for entertainment purposes)
Objective: To be able to spend most days as I choose, writing, sewing, cooking, walking, watching DVDs and generally being relaxed and happy.
Education: I refuse to write down my GCSE’s and A’Levels! Do you really care? Surely the fact that I have a degree from a decent university and a PGCE should tell you I have an English and Maths GCSE at C and above! As an employer, you should be able to deduce this from the words, “Higher Education”.
- July 2009 – present – The best few months I think I have had – possibly ever! I have allowed myself to find what I really want to do. I have worked out a dream I want so very much to realise and have been working incredibly hard to bring to fruition. I don’t really want it to end, but I haven’t won the lottery yet.
- September 2004 – July 2009: Teacher / Dogs body / frustrated, undermined and inconstantly stable stress-head.
- July 2003 – September 2004 – teacher training – you really think there was time or energy for anything else?!
- June 1998 – July 2003: Waitress/bar maid – low paid but highly entertained! Some of the best fun I have had, with some of the loveliest people I have ever had the privilege to work with.
ICT: I can competantly compitantly compitently competently use a spell checker and process words at a relatively quick pace. However I only type with three, sometimes 4, different fingers and I have to look at the letters, so I am prone to type-os. I am able to browse the internet at my leisure, including Facebook. I can send emails and it would appear I can construct something called a . . . . blog? I have, for my sins, also learnt an unhealthy amount about interactive white board programmes and Microsoft programmes Excel, Publisher and Power Point (yawn!) Finally, I am able to rip video content from websites and put them to my own personal use.
Leadership: Well, I can pretty much look after myself. Beyond that, we have to take an element of risk into the equation. I can confidently talk in front of a whole building full of children but freeze on the spot when asked to speak to a small cupboard of adults (that is official term for a group of teachers). I get very red in the face, am unable to make eye contact and sweat profusely. I sincerely doubt that others in the room would notice this, but it is entirely crippling to the self confidence!
- Time Keeping: I am very good at reading a watch but do still need to use my fingers to count through time.
- Organisation: My own special kind, slightly chaotic. As I always say – the state of my desk is the state of my mind.
- Co-Operation: I work very well with others. As long as they’re not a moron. Or rude. Or childish. Or ugly.
- Speciality: I am a REALLY slow reader.
- Other: I make a cracking cup of tea!
Interests and Hobbies: really? Are you really going to care about that fact that everyone likes to read, walk and cook. Yes there will be those odd balls who actually have hobbies like . . . the gym . . . but these people are officially mental! The fact that I can read bodes well for you as an employer, you would hope that I can cook, something, as it will keep me alive until the end of the contract. And walking? Just an added bonus! I can even run between an office and a fax machine. I can’t actually work a fax machine, but I can get to it.
- My Mum: She loves me enough to big me up!
- Cie: As above but with a less Northern/ more authoritative tone.
- Steve: He just wants me out the house!
So, that’s my alternate CV. What would your’s say?