Not sure if I am going to be sick or burst out crying! I have just returned from the post box. Now, normally, red pillar boxes don’t have this affect on me. I am not phobic or insane, and it was not a particularly nasty breed of post box – it was just a normal, standard, everyday bearer of mail.
The difference today though is that I dropped in two crisp white envelopes containing the first of my submissions!
Relief sweeps over people in hugely different ways. At Univeristy, on finishing my finals and handing in my dissertation, I reacted by having two weeks worth of panic attacks! Great way to celebrate! When I finally got my first full time teaching position it made me want to sleep for a week.
Right at this moment I feel nauseous. Its as if every muscle in my arms is reverberating. I feel like I have just climbed a mountain and don’t know how to get back down! It’s slightly sickening, but a fantastic feeling at the same time!
I am aware that it is now that the real hard work is about to begin. In around 6 weeks I hope to hear back from an Agent. There is a 99.9% chance of these first envelopes being rejections. But, hopefully, rejections with advice within. I have to now work and write harder than ever – if for some miracle an agent wants to read more from my first attempts, then I have to ensure that ALL chapters are polished, that my ideas are clear and succinct.
Hmmmm. It would appear there is another mountain on the other side of this one.
But, not for today! I now have an afternoon in which to a) finish steve’s valentines present, b) curl up with a cuppa and a film, c) have a hot bath and pamper before a night out in town (very rare for me). This is once I have managed to actually stop the shaking in my legs!