Today, Plinky asks what I would change in my past. I don’t actually think I would change anything exactly, I am very happy with my lot and the hand life, so far, has dealt me. I think, if it were possible, I might go back and offer myself opportunity.
I was four years old when I decided to be a teacher, seriously! And although it was satisfying to go through school, college and university being one of the few who knew my life’s plan, I can’t help wondering ‘what if’? What if I had contemplated other professions? What if I had grabbed hold of that spark for writing that began at fourteen? What if I had been shown other options? What if I’d not been so quick to dismiss other avenues because, ‘it’s ok, I’m going to be a teacher’?
I’m not sure, had I answered any of these questions, where I would have been today. Staying on at college to complete my foundation art qualification (my tutor wanted me to head into jewellery design) would have meant attending a different university at another time which would have led me to meet someone who is not my Steve. Had I followed the path of journalism I would undoubtedly be less financially secure and possibly living in some god forsaken corner of London trying to ‘make my name’ or writing for a local rag detailing cake competitions and alike.
It is hard to think of other paths I could have travelled as I was so hell-bent on teaching. I wonder if, had I thought a little longer on the profession, I would have ended up so cramped mentally under the weight of pressure? Probably. After all, I am a stubborn girl, a determined creature who feels the need to prove to herself and the world that she is committed to excelling in all she does. I had chosen to teach, therefore I must comply.
Anyway, all this reflection is hypothetical. Such questioning never occurred and although I think a little further around the edges these days, I still don’t think things through to the nth degree. I still jump into things blindly and can’t quite decide how to proceed.
Even if I had all the answers at that young age, I don’t think I would have deviated, I still think I would have followed the path I have. It’s not as if I believe in a life being pre-planned, not at all, but I do think things happen for a reason. So no point wishing the past would change or wishing the future away; what will be, will be. Just make sure you enjoy the ride.